It’s terrifying to be 20 years old and realize all your friends are turning into adults left and right. It used to be that we looked at our parents and thought, “They got engaged when they were 20 and married when they were 21. No problem. I’ve got tons of time.” And now I see my friends at age 22 and think, “By the time your mother was your age, she was pregnant with you.”
The reality of this concept is frightening enough to be suffocating. When I see two friends who have paired off and gotten engaged, I think, “We’re so young! I have so many places to go. I have so many cities to conquer. So many bands to see live and sets to shoot. Great Rock n’ Roll Images to capture. News stories to write. Catastrophes to experience. Highways to drive and bus routes to gaze from and tarmacs to smell and bar floors to mosh on.” It’s frightening, but at the same time it’s incredibly liberating. Because I can be truly happy for them and yet remain at peace with my differing views.
I live for adventure and the rocker lifestyle. I have many friends and connections. My friends are the closest people I can imagine and I cannot even fathom caring about anyone more than I care about my roadbuddies and soulfriends. The types of friendships I cultivate are apt to be cheapened by the mere suggestion of a romantic interest. My friends are the people I live and die for, and we have an emotional obligation by mutual agreement and by the confluence of fate and loyalty. We do not need to canoodle, snog, or straight-up fuck to express our love for each other. All we have to do is meet each other’s glance, and all is said. This must truly be the purest form of human relationship. I do not even consider seeking a mate, as such a person would have nothing especial to offer me and might result in my estrangement from my other loved ones. Additionally, they would likely require complete emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, AND financial obligation.
I’ve come to terms with it: I have no use for romantic partners. They have nothing to offer me. I don’t want children; in fact, my future career essentially necessitates the lack of them. I do not aim to leave a material legacy except whatever I intend for my brothers and sisters around the world. I don’t seek a union for financial gain; I make my own money and whatever they potentially offer would likely be refused out of pride and habit. I don’t seek a committed sex partner — I don’t personally believe in monogamy.
And then even if I talked myself into acquiring a romantic partner, I could never treat them the way they deserve. I am not a person who loves unconditionally. Once I know you deserve my love you’ve got it forever, but don’t expect it if you’ve not done a thing to merit it. I will never see myself as one half of two; I am One and will remain that way whether single or not. Scientifically, I have every mental tendency as a sociopath. But I am not without pride and conscience. I will never ask another human being to make that compromise for my sake since I will never make that compromise for their sake.
Of course, I do not judge the majority who choose to cast their lot in the traditional path. There’s a reason growing up and getting married and having children has become tradition — it’s a natural behavior for humans and has great potential for true happiness. I, however, am suited to none of it. Singularity is in my deepest nature.
So all of you, keep chasing after that man/woman of your dreams and I’ll keep chasing immortality, freedom, and soul-satisfaction. Live fiercely with no regrets and die a free soul.
I just finished up listening to the final The Broken Radio broadcast of 2010. Without a doubt, it’s been my savior on these Saturday nights that I’d otherwise be spending without human contact. While there’s still no face-to-face, it’s connected me on a completely different level with…